Assertiveness is expressing your opinions and feelings without attacking others or trying to make others feel bad about themselves. A passive person tends to agree with others to avoid conflict. An aggressive person rages against others in relations. Some people relate to others in a passive-aggressive way that is a sneaky form of anger. They "forget" to tell people valuable information, "accidentally" break things, and say negative things about a person to others but not to the person.

Fear of being abandoned or retaliation, guilt, or desire not to hurt another's feelings are all barriers to assertiveness. To get on the path to more assertive behavior, people have to know that it's okay to put themselves first and to express themselves. When communicating, a person who wants to be assertive should make eye contact, be courteous, use a strong voice, have good posture, and not apologize.

There also are assertive methods that can be used if someone else is trying to get his or her way. The first method is the "broken record" in which a person keeps repeating their point without backing down.

Staying focused is another method. This can be used when another changes the subject. For example, if a doctor changes the subject when an individual asks for a medical test, the individual should return to the original request for the test. A variation of staying focused is "fogging." This method involves agreeing with what the doctor said, then returning to the original point such as "You may be right. Now please give me the authorization for the medical test." #897

Taylor, S., & Epstein, R. (1999). Rebuilding self-esteem. In Living well with a hidden disability: Transcending doubt and shame and reclaiming your life (pp. 157-182). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.

Keyword: Empowerment